As much fun as your ’50,000 twats in a field’ type of festivals can be, let’s be straight with ourselves for a minute—nobody really likes camping. No, they bloody don’t. Well, I don’t anyway. Fuck that noise.
So, waking up to the sunlight streaming in through the huge windows of our lovely massive hotel room, with our curiously-Continental single beds (this seems to be ‘a thing’ when you book a double room, at least in lovely Dutch hotels), having a lovely shower then trotting downstairs for a lovely breakfast was, um, lovely. Fair sets you up for the day, it does.
Good job too really, given that the other thing about Roadburn is that despite it being in a foreign land and having one of the smallest ticket allocations of all the more famous multi-day metal-ish gatherings, … Read More »
Brudenell Social Club, Leeds, 18th Aug 2013
It’s a funny old world, after all. The night previous to this I was sat in the grounds of a stately home watching thousands of wretched middle and upper class toffs wave their beflagged umbrellas in the air as the English National Orchestra prom’ed their way through half the Classic FM playlist marked National Pride (with a stirring rendition of the Star Wars Theme thrown in for good measure) with a sense of mixed enjoyment at the spectacle and revulsion at the company I was forced to endure.
Tonight I’m ankle deep in hipster douchebags smoking brown papered roll ups and endlessly moving their fringes out of the way of their lensless glasses, feeling much the same way, except on the second night I don’t get the enjoyment of watching middle aged women attempting to dance … Read More »
In which our intrepid reporter continues his chronicle of disappointment. Part one can be found here
We wake up to Saturday morning sunshine, the air thick with the bellowing mating call of the drunken metaller. We take a moment to ponder the previous day with a sense of dismay. We’re not angry Bloodstock. We’re just really, really disappointed in you.
We summon the effort to go to Hell. Might as well, since that’s where we’ll all end up anyway. They deliver in a big way. This band possesses a frontman so engaging, enthralling and entertaining that actual heavy metal sorcery happens in his presence. True story. They were always going to be good though. Strange that they have the best sound of the day *coughAndy Sneapcough*
Kataklysm come up next and are the perfect death metal band for this … Read More »
Yes, that’s right, we’re continuing with a review of a festival that happened so long ago they’ve since started announcing the line up for next year’s event. What of it?
We awoke from what fitful sleep we could manage on the rough French terrain in something of a battered, beleaguered state, dear reader. I’m not going to lie, I felt like I’d been scooped out of my own skin like a disintegrated sausage, and then hastily stuffed back into it in time to be eaten for breakfast. Possibly by the drunken French teenager stumbling around outside our tent screaming ‘LE SLAYEUR’ like it was the only word he’d learned in his life (besides ‘viande chevaline’). A quick survey of my compatriots revealed a harrowing, thousand-yard stare I hadn’t expected to encounter until Monday morning at the earliest. None … Read More »
It’s that time of the year when the sun finally comes out again, just long enough to prevent us all killing ourselves after having been lumbered with the grim doom of winter for what felt like three years. Mix this with a long weekend getaway of camping and metal, and you’re left with a lovely cocktail of booze, greasy food and ear damaging music. What’s not to like?
It’s fair to say that, by and large, British festivals are pretty average, stuffed to the gills with American bands and a top billing of ‘golden oldies’. It all seems rather stale, with the much smaller-scale Desertfest and Damnation being the obvious exceptions.
Download just doesn’t appeal to me for precisely these reasons. Year after year, the same handful of increasingly-aged bands hold a double elimination spitting contest to determine who gets … Read More »
Before we get into the nitty and the gritty of our recent French escapades, we’d like to take a minute (just sit right there) to talk to you about a brand new and exciting innovation from your friends at Demon Pigeon Dot Com.
If our readership mirrors our writing staff in any way, then there’s a good chance you are a pale, pathetic, balding maggot of a human being, your ever-saggier gut creeping ever-further over jeans that became too tight a long ways back. You are constantly fighting, in a ceaseless struggle to navigate your way through the world, populated as it is by healthy types with their skin unsallowed and their trousers undenimmed, their figures lithe and supple, smirking faces shorn of wiry pube-like growth. If only you could shed a few of those pounds … Read More »
Three years later, we make it back for Roadburn Round Two.